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An Essence of Antagonism: Technical Support

Some tech-support callers have an angst to grind

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There is, sometimes, a love-hate relationship between software users and technical-support persons. And, frankly, this relationship may be one of those unavoidable dichotomies of nature…like the thing between my dog and the mail carrier. Even if the carrier brings Alpo coupons, my dog still growls.

I m dead in the water. I was loading QuarkXPress™ for Windows software, but a screen message informed me that a Microsoft .DLL file is open and I cannot continue. Apparently, I missed closing a file while setting up the computer to install QuarkXpress. I reboot, reload the Install disks and double-click on Run.

Once more, on disk four, the software refuses to load. Stubbornly, I try again. Nada. I pick up my phone and call Quark, Inc., Denver, CO. QuarkXpress is a publishing software; it s common at magazine editorial offices.

Quark s voice-mail robot switches me to hold, then entertains me by force-feeding Rocky Mountain-style banjo music into my telephone earpiece. I m not fond of Rocky Mountain banjo music and, truthfully, beginning not to be happy about the snag either. I tap a pen against my desk and notice that my office seems smaller and warmer — it s tightening, I picture, like wet rawhide in the Arizona sun.

Rawhide, in case you don t know, is untanned leather. Once wet, rawhide stretches and bends as easily as surgical rubber. While drying, it shrinks considerably, becoming as tight and hard as a seasoned rigging knot. Author Louie L amour writes that the aboriginal Apaches adapted rawhide for binding saddles or weapons. They also had a painful custom of fitting captives with headbands of the dampened material.

Two minutes pass, and I am still holding. I doodle, thumb through magazines, wonder if airline pilots have to hold the phone when their computers go awry. Three minutes pass, four.

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At the end of five minutes, Quark s Mike Nichols answers the phone. By now, my essence of antagonism is high. Sure, the five minutes on hold isn t his fault; he certainly did not choose the background music, nor did he omit the Windows Dynamic Link Library (DLL) circumstance in the instruction booklet. But then, all of this isn t my fault either.

I m glad to say, though, that what Quark loses in its phone system, it makes up in Mike Nichols — he is excellent testimony to the effectiveness of qualified people. Mike explains that Windows 95 .DLL files idle in the the memory s background to permit frequently used programs to come quickly into action. A reboot or on/off set-up for loading software will not cancel them. They turn on with Windows and stay on. In fact, the primary switch is in the Windows 95 file manager pull-down menu (click the Microsoft Office icon at the screen s top right, then click Exit). Apologizing, Mike says Quark intends to include the .DLL instruction in its next software-installation booklet.

The vendor s view

Recent newspaper articles report that tech support has become a major expense to computer vendors. The computer-manufacturing giant, Gateway 2000, for example, employs more than 500 telephone technicians and still receives complaints of slow service. Some industry observers blame inexperienced users for the tech-support logjam. They point to simpler computer systems for relief, saying inexperienced users strain the efficiency of technical-support centers because their tech-support time transforms to personalized training time.

Erik Gripp, at GBC Sign Warehouse, Sherman, TX, offers an example. Erik says, The main problem is that today s buyers are different. We once sold entire systems, but now many people try to save money by purchasing unconfigured computers elsewhere and adding items to them — software, modems, scanners, printers, plotters — as well as games or unusual programs. One GBC caller installed two-modems, an FM radio and seven games, in addition to his sign-making software. It didn t work, Erik says.

I decided to ask Erik and other industry experts for advice on what to do before calling tech-support staff. I also telephoned ScanVec, Inc., Wilmington, MA, and asked its pros.

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John Smolinksi, ScanVec s tech-support supervisor, suggests you first reread the manufacturer s reference manual because you may have misunderstood an instruction. On software, John advises you learn to access your PCs autoexec.bat and config.sys files before calling for tech-support. These files, he says, provide any tech-support staff with critical system information.

He adds, Have a clear description of the configuration of your computer too, including the hard drive size. John also suggests you have a precise list of installed software versions on hand.

It s interesting to note that tech-support staffs must be familiar with other, possibly interfering, programs, because software, like family, argues if you get too many together for too long a time.

I asked Chuck Hazeltine, ScanVec s operations manager, for further suggestions. Chuck advises you to retrace your steps once a problem occurs. If something did change, he says, what was it? Advising that CAS systems seldom break alone, Chuck says if you ve moved equipment, added or deleted software or had unusual experiences (such as lightning strikes), tell the tech-support person right away.

Chuck further advises you to note error messages, saying, Error messages are like a road map — they give a tech-support person a place to look. Finally, he adds, Don t load anything weird, such as a smiley-face in place of the cursor arrow.

Oh, one other thing on the Apache rawhide: Once tanned and made pliable, I understand the Indians called it software — thereby assuring the continuation of this ancient term to a similar, yet future source of binding captivation.
 

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