Design (Object) Lessons for Sign-Makers

The Ugly Sign Gallery is updated frequently — check back often. All information presented is believed to be correct and complete, however, errors and omissions should be sent to the Editor.

Ugly Town

First Place

Springdale, AR. We’re told that this is where Bill and Hillary first lived after they got hitched. As such, the town is now growing like a weed. The kind you don’t inhale, that is. Obviously, some of the sign people took it just a bit further than Slick Willie. Submitted by Del Graham, Del’s Signs & Airbrushed Artwork, Springdale, AR.

Second Place

Pontiac, MI. The revered chief of the Ottawa tribe wouldn’t be too happy if he knew his namesake city was full of such hatchet-job signage. The one good thing about it is we at least managed to get one beauty-shop sign in this year. An Ugly Sign Contest without a punny salon sign is like a scientific neon test without any controversy. Submitted by |2413|, Pontiac, MI.

Freestanding

First Place

With apologies to Neil Young, the main copy could be entitled "Rust Never Seeps." Unless, of course, this is a ploy by inkjet manufacturers to convince people that conventional signage has no outdoor durability either. Otherwise, we guess that this Miss Wiscasset sign is probably about as old as Miss Katherine Hepburn. And just as weathered. Submitted by Lombardo Signs, North Andover, MA.

Second Place

Parents of students at Kool Karate Kids Day Care Center proudly display auto bumper stickers that read, "My toddler can round-house kick the living crap out of your honor student." So far be it from us to suggest that utilizing script fonts in all caps approximates the sagacity of using Roseanne to model thong bikinis. We don’t want to get our butts nin jutsued by some Gary Coleman-sized Jackie Chan wannabe. Submitted by Eberhart Sign & Lighting Co., Edwardsville, IL.

Third Place

That graphic "F" looks like what King Triton was zapped into by Ursula, the evil Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid. An idea that holds water for a fish joint. Possessive juxtapositions aside, is the Eddy logo the apostrophe in "Eddy’s," or is it a "diner & grillys," or is it really supposed to be "Fishs?" We think it’s the old bait and switch. Submitted by John J. Rapp Signs, Greene, NY.

Vehicles

First Place

As all parents and grandparents know, it’s the thought that counts when they receive valentines wrought by precious little hands. As in this example, the skill level is precious little. When the truck owner asked how much he owed for the job, the signpainter replied, "It’s a buck, man." And that became the company’s new name. Submitted by Linda Nims, Signart, Dixon, KY.

Second Place

Perhaps the warning about sudden stops refers to people’s pulses upon viewing the entire truck. And because John’s available 24 hours a day, you can call him at 3 am to come haul away the trash after your party. At that hour, the sign looks pretty good. Submitted by The Little Old German Signmaker, Reading, PA. City Signs